called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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