What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
