i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
