i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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