i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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