Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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