He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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