I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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