i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
you never un-have a 4some
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
