when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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