Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
