Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
smell my finger.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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