we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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