a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
