hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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