I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
