she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
