just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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