Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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