Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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