I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
