I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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