They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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