I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
