The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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