I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
