Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
