I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
