my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
