He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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