You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
