batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
