David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
