nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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