I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
