Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
