I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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