So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
