One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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