The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
