one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
