Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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