did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
