im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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