Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
