Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
