That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
