make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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