Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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