Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
